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  Viewed on 28 SEP 03 UNDERWORLD is the battle-royal of all battles-royal between the two primary Underworld forces that are all around us, in our sewers, and in our attics. I'm talking about werewolves and vampires, of course. Arnold Schwarzenegger, the next Governor of California, was asked (I'm honestly not making any of this up) what would happen if a werewolf and a vampire fought it out. His reply was, in part, "If being a monster were like being a bodybuilder, I think a werewolf would probably lose a competition like this. First of all, a vampire is a vampire on a daily (or should I say nightly) basis. ... Werewolves are only werewolves when the moon is full, and, what's that? Once a month? Forget it! That's no way to be a monster! You have to stay at it everyday to be any good, right? Vampires know what this means." But Arnold said this long before he got into the gubernatorial race, so if any of this leaks out, he will lose the election for sure. So, don't tell anyone I told you this, OK?
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I know what you're thinking. You think that I may not be taking UNDERWORLD very seriously. But that would be untrue...I take all werewolf and vampire movies (that don't have Tom Cruise in them) seriously. Very seriously. I could expound for fifteen minutes on The Werewolf vs Vampire Woman (1971), and you couldn't keep up. I am devoted to the Underworld. I even suspect Batman is a vampire, but just hasn't come out of the closet yet.
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But for the real connoisseur, the movie that really started it all, the very first time vampires and wolfmen set upon one another was Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, (1948). Again you think I'm jesting, but I am not. Dracula was (really) played by Bela Lugosi. The Wolfman was (really) played by Lon Chaney. Even Vincent Price had a voice-over as the Invisible Man -again, really. Now, those were the days of real horror. And real comedy. I'm not sure which UNDERWORLD is; comedy, horror, or both, but if it was 'horror', where was the scary part?
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Any reason to see UNDERWORLD? Yes - this is award winning cinematography.
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