TOMB  RAIDER 2 The Cradle Of Life  -  A  Narada Film Review

Tomb Raider 2 - 2003 -Jan De Bont-Director & Lawrence Gordon-Producer

   Viewed on 24 Jul 03   Let's cut to the chase on TOMB RAIDER II - it has absolutely nothing going for it other than the momentum of the original.    It is hideously afflicted with Trans-Sequel Dilution Syndrome - the only disease known to science more agonizing and final than rabies.    To make matters worse, plot-wise, TOMB RAIDER II is a direct and unashamed rip from Raiders Of The Lost Ark - only Indiana Jones now becomes Laura Croft and they are seeking Pandora's Box instead of the Ark of the Covenant.  
        "Pandora's Box" indeed.   Hollywood is literally scraping the bottom of the proverbial barrel if they can't come up with anything more archaeologically significant than an Ancient Greek myth to work with.   I didn't see anyone step up to the plate as Screenwriter when the credits rolled up - perhaps TOMB RAIDER II wasn't written - perhaps Director Jan De Bont just handed an hour's worth of random filming over to the Film Editing Dept and told them to work something up with the CGI people to flesh it out.  (CGI is 'Computer Generated Image'. . .)
        On the other hand, if we were even one minute over 11 years old when we bought our tickets, we have no one to blame but ourselves.   In that the TOMB RAIDER II's plot was stolen and then corrupted, and the stunts were cartoon-impossible, and in that the film was miscast in the extreme, and the acting was a spoof on real acting, we can conclude nothing other than it was made for the sole purpose of bilking allowance money from the pockets of pre-teen children.   Not that this is an isolated occurrence in Hollywood of late - the Motion Picture Association of America (  urgently needs to come up with a new "CG-12" rating, where no adult may be admitted unless accompanied by a child of 12 years of age, or less.   The adult and teenage movie-going public have every right to expect to be warned in advance of which films are nothing more than mindless, opportunistic kiddy actioners.
        LEAST   Enduring Line or Phrase:  "I'm not leaving you because I can't kill you..."

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