FREDDY  VS.  JASON   -  A  Narada Film Review

  KEN KIRZINGER  as   
  Jason Voorhees
     
   Crop of 
   FREDDY  VS.  JASON  
   Movie Poster.
     
   ROBERT ENGLUND    
   as Freddy Krueger   .
    Just as moviegoers should be warned not to waste time on TRASH films, movie reviewers should not waste time on reviewing them.  'Horror' genre films have proven over time to be universally bad, so, if reviewed at all, it will be by the "Dirty Dozen" CRAPPY HORROR MOVIE criteria below.  Each hackneyed, manipulative cheap trick encountered will register a "FAIL" on the checklist.  Any film using more than 4 of these cheap tricks will receive an Overall Rating of "FAIL"   Viewed on 06 SEP 03
CHECKLIST - "CRAPPY HORROR MOVIE"
FREDDY VS. JASON
  Description of Cheap Trick
RATE
1.  The 'SUSPENSION-OF-DISBELIEF' Hook - Facile 'historical' references or documents which are supposed to give an aura of plausibility to even the most ludicrous of storylines.
2.   The 'HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE' Sequence - Waking up from a hideous dream and sitting bolt-upright, covered in sweat, in a state of terror.  Of course, the nightmare always 'comes true'.
3.  LONG SILENCES BROKEN BY SUDDEN LOUD NOISES - False alarms (except the last one) which have audiences lurching in their seats.
4.   The "WE STICK TOGETHER" Pact - Where the group decides that sticking together is the ONLY way to survive the 'Bogey Man', but they NEVER do . . . . and they ALWAYS die.
5.  'LIGHT-SWITCH-PHOBIA' - Someone will go off to investigate an eerie noise in the building, in the dark, simply because he/she hasn't bothered to switch the lights on.  Flashlights authorized if too lazy to switch on lights, but must be used with 'scary effect'.  Wavering music and / or lightning mandatory.
6.  "BACKWARD-WALKING FODDER" - Where a terror-stricken member of the cast starts walking backward until he/she invariably backs into the waiting "Bogey Man'.
7.   The 'PRESCIENT CHILD' - A 'Haley Joel Osment-type' (Sixth Sense) who 'knows things'.
PASS
8.  BELA LUGOSI 'WHITE ZOMBIE' (1932) Lighting - where the faces are lit from underneath to make them appear more frightening.   Also called the 'Halloween Effect' or the 'Summer-Camp-Ghost-Story Ploy'.
9.  The "OPEN HOUSE" Syndrome - Where, despite a rampaging "Bogey Man', and an ongoing electrical storm, people still leave their windows wide open, curtains blowing in the wind.
10.   The 'LONGEST NIGHT' Ploy - Everyone knows things are scarier at night, even Hollywood.  Therefore, a minimum of 95% of the film takes place at night.
11.  The 'FALSE ENDING' - Where everyone thinks the 'Bogey Man' is dead, but he suddenly reappears for one last attack, before being 'finally killed'.
12.  The 'SEQUEL HOOK' - Where, during the final scene, some small undetected occurrence will be seen (by the audience only) which lets us all know it isn't really over.


Overall Score 


Freddy Vs. Jason - 2003   -Ronnie Yu-Director & Sean Cunningham-Producer

2003, Bangkok Eyes / bangkokeyes.com      

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